Lunch
by EmmaLemon
Summary: It's more then just a Artemis Fowl/Vladimir Tod crossover. Many other books, videos, and shows are crossed over. This is what would happen if me and my friends sat down for lunch together. Enjoy. R&R! T to be safe.


**Lemon: Why hello random people!**

**Fang: Hey.**

**Lemon: Sound more enthusiastic, will ya? Anyways, I am back with yet another one shot. Like my other one this was also born from a writing game my sister and I made up.**

**Fang: You probably finish the game if you remember to give her a prompt.**

**Lemon: Nobody cares about the details.**

**Fang: Yo, Lemon, you're getting off topic again.**

**Lemon: Oopies! Well this technically isn't a song fic but it's written to a specific song. So, if you want to hear the song that inspired this randomness you can go to YouTube and search Ha****ͦ****ll om mig. It's Swedish. Also, this fic is written with a lot of randomness. It involves some of my weirdo friends and their weirdo nicknames. The only one I think you'll have a problem with is Kalyla. It's real simple if you don't think about it. Ka-lie-la. Ka (as in canoe)-Ly- (sounds just like lie. Ex. She lies.) La- (like singing). Otherwise the nicknames are easy! Ok so here-**

**Fang: Aren't you forgetting something.**

**Lemon: Oh, yeah! (Robotic Voice) Disclaimer: I do NOT own my friends, Justin Bieber, Butler, Holly Short, Food fights, Neutrino 2000s, Sirius Black, Jason Mraz, Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance", Vladimir Tod, zompires, ballerinas, Christopher Drew, Charlie the Unicorn, Campers form Camp half-blood, Camp half-blood, poker, "I love you 5", Dumbledore, Monkey thought translators, Mickey mouse ears, Zim or Gir, Pigs, Mars, Alice Cullen, or Alchemy. Is that everything?**

**Fang: I lost count after Lady Gaga.**

**Lemon: Basically if it's here, chances are it's not mine.**

**Fang: Now shall we start the story.**

**Lemon: Yes, we shall!**

Today was probably the worst day ever. The principals decided it might be a good idea to have three lunch groups. All of sixth grade would eat together, then all of seventh grade, and finally all of eighth grade would eat. I had no problem with that but it totally mess up my schedule, causing me to be late to almost all my classes. That wasn't all, though. Of course my teachers decided it would be a nice a day to give out ten hours of homework.

I sighed and kept walking. At least now I got to see Becca, Kalyla, Clairio, Connie, and Liz at the same time. As I entered the lunch room I grabbed a tray and found an empty table. In moments I was joined by Liz and Connie. They sat down and started talking about their normal serious topics, today's topic was abortion. Within seconds Clairio, Kalyla, and Becca laughed their way to our table.

"EmmaLemon, guess what!" Clairio exclaimed.

"Are you on another sugar high?"

"YES!"

We settle into our usual conversations. That's when things go interesting. Heavy footsteps from the I.T. hallway echoed around the room. All talking stopped. The footsteps were promptly followed by a deep male voice yelling, "Get back here! You better give me my money!" and a scream. A dirty blond boy ran into the cafeteria chased by what looked a small mountain.

The silence didn't last long. "IT'S JUSTIN BIEBER!" a girl screamed. I thought this was some sort of joke but as the boy and the mountain ran by my table I realized it really was Justin Bieber. Followed by this discovery was an even better one. Justin Bieber was being pursued by a very live, very real Butler.

"Get him, Butler. Get him!" I yelled as the pair raced past the assistant principal. Next to me Kalyla and Becca were laughing harder than ever. I had to explain to Clairio who Butler was before she joined the other two.

"All right Butler!" another voice shouted from the I.T. hall. "Show that Mud Whelp why he shouldn't sing." It was Captain Holly Short of LEP. On the other side of the room Butler tackled the pop star.

As Butler wrestled Bieber something smashed through the skylight. Standing up it took the form of Emmett Cullen. He ran at Jakerdoodle, who was innocently carrying his tray to a table full of his friends. When Emmett neared Jake, the vampire stuck out his arm and cloths lined the boy.

"That's what you get when you cheat in cards," Emmett bellowed. Meanwhile Jakerdoodle's tray soared through the air before it landed on a boy's head. The boy wiped the food from his face and stood. "FOOD FIGHT!" he said and threw a piece of pizza at Holly.

"Now you've done it, Mud Boy." She reached for her Neutrino 2000 to find it was missing. "D'Arvit."

"Looking for this, Captain?" asked Sirius Black, standing on a lunch table and holding the Elf's gun. Holly's eyes narrowed.

"Black," she hissed. Activating her wings, she rose into the atmosphere. Captain Short dived at Sirius in an attempt to get her Neutrino back. He sidestepped her easily.

While all this was happening my friends and I giggled and watched as Butler trailed Bieber, who had somehow gotten free. Emmett was threatening to eat Jakerdoodle. Sirius had transfigured Holly into a rat. As if to top things off, the stage curtains opened and revealed Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga singing Bad Romance.

"What the heck is going on?" Connie asked dodging a flying hamburger. The rest of us shrugged.

Butler had managed to tie Justin Bieber to the vending machine, though I'm not sure where he got the rope, and was now getting Sirius to change Holly back into herself. Emmett, looking particularly hungry, was slowly advancing on the helpless pop star.

A horn sounded throughout what seemed like the whole school. Everyone fell silent and froze. Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga stopped singing mid verse. From the gym, Vladimir Tod entered the lunchroom followed by his army of zompires and ballerinas. From the opposite direction, Christopher Drew rode Charlie the Unicorn and led campers of Camp Half blood towards Vladimir. The Chaos turned in a full out battle.

The teachers looked on helplessly as Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga began to sing again. Kids were running everywhere followed by hungry zompires. Justin Bieber had mysteriously vanished. Emmet was suspiciously licking his lips while he played poker with Butler, Vladimir, and a nervous looking Jakerdoodle. I spotted Clario and Kalyla listening to Christopher Drew playing "I Love you 5". Becca was fighting Annabeth for Percy and Connie had somehow found a way to ride Charlie the Unicorn. Liz was kicking Holly while I stole Sirius' wand.

With a loud crack, Dumbledore appeared on the stage wearing a monkey thought translator and Mickey Mouse ears. "Silence," he bellowed. Nobody even looked up. He put his wand to his throat, amplifying his voice. "SILENCE!" Everyone froze. "Thank you," he continued. "Now because a certain six girls were together at the same time, the fabric of time and space has been ripped open and worlds have clashed. Now everyone must return to their own worlds before something terrible happens!" As he spoke, a bright light flashed and two small looking kids join Dumbledore. The first was green with black hair, dressed in red and black. The second was a small green dog that squeaked.

Without hesitation Clairio squealed. "IT'S GIR!"

The small green dog replied with a simple, "I like PIGS!"

"This is precisely what I mean," Dumbledore said. "Everyone get back to your own world."

"NO," Lady Gaga bellowed. "I don't want to go back to Mars! It's so lonely." With a groan everyone stood up and vanished until only Dumbledore was left.

"You six," he said pointing to me and my friends. "Have to clean up this mess. Have fun!" With a crack, he disappeared.

"Does anyone know what just happened?" Becca asked. No one could give her an answer. "Well, how are we going to clean all this up? It'll take hours." We surveyed the trashed cafeteria. Orange, brown, and red trays litter the ground. Food was everywhere. Tables were over turned and the floor had been cracked and lifted in several places. Ripped posters hung limply from the banged up walls. A water fountain had broken and water was spraying into the air. In the middle hole opened up and Jakerdoodle was thrown onto the floor. Alice Cullen's Voice could be heard as the hole closed up. "No Emmett, you can't eat him."

"This'll be easy using my… Alchemy!" I said in a cheesy heroic voice.

"Yeah right, EmmaLemon. You can't use alchemy," Kalyla replied.

"You wanna bet?" She nodded. "You are on, sister!" I clapped my hands together and slammed them on the ground. With a few blue sparks, the whole lunch room returned itself to normal. Everything was fixed. Kalyla handed me five buck with her mouth hanging open. "and that, my dear friends, is why we're not allowed to eat lunch together."

**Lemon: See completely random.**

**Fang: Why am I here? I'm not even in this story.**

**Lemon: You're here for moral support.**

**Fang: What?**

**Lemon: Don't ask Question! For all you people who actually sat through all that, please R&R! I take everything, suggestions, flames, comments, questions. ANYTHING! PLEASE ****R&R!**

**Fang: Ecookies for reviewers.**

**Lemon: Ecookies AND Emilk!**


End file.
